Sailor Moon P
by the random monkey
Summary: the random monkey strikes again, this time with a satire of Pokemon and Sailor Moon.


Title: Sailor Moon P  
Author: the random monkey  
Date: May 5, 2001  
Author notes:  
A little note on the random monkey's latest piece of drivel, this one of especially low quality:   
I've been reading a lot of fic recently with Pikachu as a girl. When I first heard about this, I said, "Yeah! Sure! And Mankeys can fly!" Well, ever since that little incident at the Witch's castle, I've been thinking maybe it isn't so Farfetch'd. In fact, maybe all of Ash's Pokèmon are of the female persuasion. And of course, if they're all girls, it only follows that they're all sailor suited superheroines. Submitted for your approval, I call this....  
  
Sailor Moon P  
  
  
Pikachu waited to make sure all of the humans were asleep, then ran over to Ash's backpack, where his Pokèballs were. She quickly opened all of them and waited impatiently as Bulbasaur, Pidgeotto, Charmander and Squirtle appeared. "Hey, Guys!" she said excitedly. "Hey, what are we gonna do tonight? Oooh, I want to go shopping sooo bad! Or go to a movie!"   
Charmander sweatdropped. "Pikachu, there isn't a mall around for miles. There isn't even a town! We're in the middle of the woods!"  
"Oh. Shoot. So, what are we gonna do all night?" Pikachu asked. Her ears perked. "Hey, I know! Bulbasaur can make some of those killer muffins, and we can have a sleepover!"  
Charmander sweatdropped even more. "Pikachu, you're such an idiot."  
"Well, Charmander, exactly what are we gonna do, huh?" Pikachu asked, putting her hands on her hips (uh, her paws on her... well, you get the idea).  
"I don't know, but you're certainly not getting any good ideas!" shot back Charmander.  
Pikachu bristled. "My ideas are just fine!" she yelled.  
Pidgeotto interrupted. "Hey, knock it off you two! You're worse than Ash and Misty!"  
"Yes," added Squirtle in her matter-of-fact tone, "You're supposed to be fighting the Negaverse, not each other!"  
Charmander suddenly gasped. "Speaking of the Negaverse..."  
"What is it?" asked Bulbasaur. "A youma?"  
"I don't know," said Charmander, putting her hands (I give up) together and closing her eyes. "I'm sensing a strong evil coming from.... There!"  
They all spun around to see a monster standing in the trees. It was tall and humanoid, with long fingers, and flowers for hair, and it was wearing a leotard type thing. "Potpourri's here!" she yelled.  
"Great," said Bulbasaur. "Looks like it's time to transform,"  
"Mm-hm," agreed everyone.  
Bulbasaur suddenly produced a little pen and held it in the air with one of her vines.   
"Jupiter Power, Make Up!" she shouted.  
Squirtle, Pidgeotto, and Charmander held up similar pens.  
"Mercury Power, Make Up!" cried Squirtle.  
"Venus Power, Make Up!" said Pidgeotto.  
"Mars Power, Make Up!" yelled Charmander.  
Pikachu held up her hand. "Moon Prism Power, Make Up!" she called out.  
And ribbons flew, yellow beams of light twisted, rings of fire and thunder flashed as the 5 girls transformed from ordinary Pokèmon into the defenders of love and justice, the Sailor scouts.  
When all the decorations cleared, the five Scouts stood, each dressed in her own little sailor suit. Pikachu stepped forward from the group and started going through her little introduction speech. "For love and justice, I am the sailor suited pretty soldier, Sailor Moon! In   
the name of the moon, I'll punish you!"  
The youma laughed. "Sure you will," it said. "A bunch of punk Pokèmon dressed up in weird little costumes?"  
"Weird?" Sailor Moon said indignantly. "Oooh, how dare you insult my clothing! That's it, you've had it, Nega-scum!" From somewhere, she pulled out a scepter. "Moon Princess-"  
"Stop!" said Sailor Venus.  
"What?" asked Sailor Moon.  
"You can't do that yet! We haven't attacked!"  
"Huh?"  
"You know the drill," Sailor Venus said, exasperated. "We all use our flashy attacks that look painful but do absolutely nothing, then you go ahead and destroy the monster. That's how it's always gone."  
"Yeah, but she insulted my clothes," Sailor Moon whined.  
"So? She insulted mine too!"  
"Yeah, but I really wanna!" Sailor Moon started crying, and the other scouts sweat-dropped.  
Something occurred to Sailor Mercury just then. "Hey, who's watching the Youma?" The scouts (Well, the ones who weren't _bawling their eyes out_) turned to look-  
*BAM!* The scouts got clobbered by the monster's attack. All of them screamed bloody murder as they went crashing into a tree.  
"That's it!" exclaimed Jupiter. "Take this, nega-sleaze! Sparkling Wide-"  
"Hey, you know, that should be my attack," Sailor Moon interrupted.  
Jupiter sighed, annoyed. "What now?"  
"Well, you know, I am an electric Pokèmon. I should have an electric attack."  
"It's not electric!" Jupiter said, sounding insulted. "It's thunder!"  
"Close enough," Moon muttered.  
Jupiter scowled. "Fine," she said sarcastically. "Go ahead. You know, I just love standing around looking stupid while people steal my attacks."  
"Thanks!" said Moon. She used her Thunderbolt attack on the monster, and it did very little, if anything.  
"Happy now?" asked Jupiter.  
"Geez, you sound like Mars!" Moon said poutingly.  
"Well, you also wasted our chance to attack," said Venus. "Now we're gong to-"  
She was cut off by a roar from the youma. "Enough talk!" it roared. It reached out its hands toward the scouts, its fingers turning into vines that wrapped around the scouts and started draining their energy. The five girls shrieked.   
Then, suddenly, a rose flew by, somehow managing to skewer ten vines with its quarter-inch diameter stem. The girls, not even bothering to untangle themselves, gasped and looked up toward the tree the rose had come from. "It's Tuxedo Meowth!" cried Sailor Moon.   
On a branch in the tree stood a masked Meowth, wearing a top hat, cape, and tuxedo. He was leaning against the tree trunk in a casual way.  
He pulled another rose from inside his cape, and started speaking in a thick Brooklyn accent. "The rose that blooms in the midnight is like a beautiful promise: It drifts in the fragrant air of beauty like a candle of moonlight on the seashore."  
Everyone, even the youma, looked up at him, confused. "What's that supposed to mean?" asked Sailor Mercury.  
Tuxedo Meowth shrugged. "I don't write 'em, I just recite 'em. It sounds like someone on an acid trip, doesn't it?" Everyone nodded.  
"Anyway," Tuxedo Meowth continued, "Believe in yourselves, and you will always triumph. Farewell!" He jumped out of his tree branch, and fell flat on his head. "Oh, that's gonna hurt in the morning," he muttered, then ran off into the woods.  
"Ooh, Tuxedo Meowth is sooo cuuute!" Sailor Moon drooled with hearts in her eyes.  
"There's no time for that!" said Sailor Venus. "Tuxedo Meowth's speech made the youma go insane or something!" She pointed to the youma, who was curled up in the fetal position on the ground, muttering, "Rose, moon, seashore- Beautiful Promise! Huhuhuhu..."  
"Quick!" said Sailor Mercury. "Attack while the Youma is weak!"  
"Oh, cool! Now I can try out my new attack for this season!" Sailor Moon said, pulling out a new, fancy, jewel-covered rod.  
"How come I never get new attacks?" moaned Mars.  
"It's not really new, she's just never been able to use it yet because the Youma never held still long enough," muttered Mercury.  
"Where does she keep getting these rods?" asked Jupiter.  
"Let's just get this over with," sighed Venus.  
Moon held her new rod up in the air. "Moon Princess Happy Beauty Love Joy Peace Patience Kindness Super Duper Alleyooper Crescent DESTRUCTION!!!!!" she called.   
A flashlight-beam sized light came out of her rod and hit the youma, vaporizing it.  
"Finally," Mercury breathed.   
"I need a stiff drink," said Jupiter.  
"Does Ash have any Tequila?" asked Venus.  
"Nah, check Brock's bag. He always manages to slip some vodka in," said Mars.  
The group looked at Mars.  
An evil look came over her face. "When the cat's away, the mice will play," she said.  
  
  
Moon: Today on Sailor Moon, we learned that..that..uhh... what, exactly, did we learn?  
Mars: We learned that Sailor Moon is a stupid baka idiot.  
Moon: Aww, that's always your answer.  
Jupiter: Actually, that's what I was going to say.  
Venus and Mercury: Yup.  
Moon: How can you say that?!!  
Jupiter: You stole my attack!  
Venus: You tried to kill the youma before we did our flashy attacks!  
Mars: Yeah, if you killed the monster right out, like any thinking person would do, there's no   
point to us being on the show!  
Mercury: I believe reading through the story once will reveal that Pikachu has no more intelligence than the average fanfic writer.  
Moon: How can you insult me like that?! *Cries*  
*Group sweatdrops*  
Moon: *suddenly stopping* Well, at least we learned that Tuxedo Meowth is a gorgeous hunk.  
Venus: You wouldn't say that if you knew who he really was.  
Moon: Yeah, well, how do you know if you've never met him? Do you know who he is?  
Group: *silence*  
Moon: You know who he is?! And you didn't tell me?! How _could_ you?  
Jupiter: Trust me, you *don't* want to know.  
Moon: Sailor Moon Says... TELL ME NOW!!!!  
  
monkey: I warned you... 


End file.
